Friday, April 28, 2006

Good Times

We had our little going away party at a local pub last night. There were eight of us. We are all professional drinkers and since we were out we knew that food was needed to blunt the effects of the alcohol. We all were driving so we knew we needed to be responsible drunks.

We ordered a huge plate of Nachos, 20 Hot and Honey Wings, 20 Mild Wings, Hot Crab and Cheese Dip with toast rounds, Hot Spinach and Artichoke Cheese Dip with tortilla chips, seasoned fries with cheese sauce and a basket of Batter Dipped Fried Onion Rings. We ate it all.

The gay Heineken sailor and his two Heineken tartlets came by our table (I’m not judging. Everyone deserves to earn a living.) He didn’t stay long because we harassed the shit out of him. He was toasted, too. We got free Heineken bottle light up pins. One of our party put one pin over each nipple and we took a picture but I can’t show you because she’s shy. A good time was had by all. We all made it home safely.

I shocked my daughter when I told her I had just gotten home from a bar. She told all of her friends, they were shocked, too. I was feeling rosy. My husband went to bed at 8:30pm (we get up at 4:30am.)

I was checking everyone’s blogs one last time for the night, sitting at my kitchen desk, when I heard Niagara Falls coming from somewhere behind me.

“Who the fuck left the bathtub running?”

After going around in circles, I discovered the gushing noises were coming from the basement.

“Oh, my God, we didn’t let Cody out and he’s peeing in the basement. No, that’s stupid, he doesn’t have that much pee in him.”

I can’t find the light switches (we’ve only lived here a month and I’m in a panic.) Finally, I get some lightage. I go downstairs and water is pouring from the basement ceiling. I shove the pool table out of the rain, get some empty plastic drawers from the utility cart to catch the deluge and go to wake the hubby.

He jerks up. I tell him the problem. He rushes barefoot and in his briefs to the basement, cursing the whole way (he’s a proficient curser, just in case you were wondering; very creative in his expletives.) He rips down the tiles from the drop ceiling. Water pours on his head. He slips and falls, hurting his left arm.

The leak is coming from the plastic hose for the refrigerator’s water and ice dispenser. We turned the dispenser on when we moved in. The previous owners had it off because they didn’t drink water (yeah, we’re fuckin’ idiots.) There’s 50 foot of hose, the shut off is all the way across the ceiling and all of my towels are soaked. Hubby pulled the refrigerator away from the wall upstairs in the kitchen and water is squirting everywhere up there. We are yelling and screaming at each other, sliding on the ceramic tiled floors. Finally, at midnight, the water is shut off and everything is mopped up.

Talk about a good time killer.


  1. You do live an exciting life.

    Although, come to think of it, I could do without that kind of excitement.

    Bet if it happened here, we would all be swearing (fit to beat your hubby)...

    water, water, everywhere and how the boards did shrink
    water, water, everywhere and not a drop to drink...

  2. If you were to file a claim with your insurance, and happened to have Farmers, the plastic hose's malfunction would not be covered (wear and tear, and faulty workmanship is usually excluded in most policy coverages) but there's a good chance the sudden release of water would be. But since it sounds like nothing was seriously damaged, just wet, it's not worth it to claim it :) OMG my life is so boring. I need to find a non-insurance job! hahaha.

    I'm super hungover right now... Last night we had a "happy layoff" party for my friend Vangie. First we went to a restaurant (but it's more like a bar, kind of like "Fred's Last Resort" but with gay guys), then to a martini lounge. I love gay men, they are soo hot. I fell in love with our waiter at the martini lounge and he thought it was hilarious. It was a lot of fun, though! I got home and planned on coming online, check blogs, maybe even chat with whoever was online at the time (it must've been around 11pm, we started drinking at 5pm though!), but pretty much passed out before the computer finished booting up! hahaha.

    Hope all's well!

  3. yikies
    well atlest it was sorted :)

    i went out lastnight and got rather wasted (love being a lightweight) - not that i paid for ANY of it *laughs*

    so i know all about the whole american history with alcohol etc... but i still dont get why to be shocked that you might go out to a bar???

    my dad used to do morris dancing (yes its horribly cliche - almost as horrible as his dancing) so he was always in pubs, getting free drinks - and mum and i were normally with him - this was when i was about 8 - when i was 13 he bought me drinks - funnily enough, hieniken.
    in britain its normal for people to drink openly - what so different in america - why is that most of america (not intentionally including you, goldie) seems to have a huge guilt trip about anything fun ie sex, alcohol ; and yet seem s indifferent to what we brits see as problems ie - drugs, gun crime, gangs....


    sorry - not meaning to rant -

    glad you did have a good time before the soaking ^^

  4. Jenn - I could live without that kind of excitement, too. But we are thankful it happened while we were home and I was still awake.

    Jadzia - Thanks for the insurance info, but it really ended up not being as bad as it could have been. I haven't had a really good drunk in a while, playing miss responsible is reeeeaaalllllyyyy boring. I must remedy the situation soon.

    ceccg - Before I had my daughter, I had allot of good times (if you know what I mean.) Once I had her, I became a "Responsible Mom." I mostly didn't go to bars because I didn't miss it much, but she is not used to me being in bars.

    Americans have very odd ideas about many things, we can be hopelessly puritanical in the oddest ways. My mother is Austrian so my views are slighty different than most (nakedness for instance doesn't bother me.)

    But you can't get most places here without driving 20 or 30 minutes at least to get home, so between how far away our bars are from home, a lack of public transportation and the fact that most people drink to excess and do not eat, our cars have become killing machines and drunk driving tickets are great money makers for our towns. OK, I'm done.