Monday, October 30, 2006

Happy Dance

I am doing the Happy Dance because I am the proud owner of ONLY ONE house. Yes, folks, you heard right, after seven months we have finally sold our old house. We can now breath again.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Give Peace A Chance

Like Quilly I am particularly blessed. The condition of the world makes me cry. I have been struggling for something to do about it without adding more confrontation into the mix. So, I simply ask that anyone who sees this join Mimi Lennox and Quilly and myself on November 7th, 2006 to say Grant Us Peace.

And as an added effort, I will spend the 24 hours from midnight to midnight on that day practicing peace. I will not call other drivers assholes. I will even refrain from pointing out the really stupid mistakes that my new co-worker makes every two seconds even though she says she the best thing since white bread. And if I happen to go into Wal-Mart, I will not make disgusted faces at the excruciatingly slow and lazy people that work there. I know, just call me Mahatma.

So come play with us on Tuesday, November 7th, 2006. Sounds like fun, doesn’t? Do it anyway, damit! (I didn’t say I’d be peaceful today.)

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Me Me Me

I have been tagged by Swampwitch at Anecdotes, Antidotes and Anodes… Go look at her Avatar, which is great and read her witty posts, which are witty (I am the master of words.)

Here's the meme:

1. Explain what ended your last relationship. I said don’t do it. I was very clear. She didn’t listen and did it anyway. End of story and the relationship.

2. When was the last time you shaved? I shaved 10 minutes off of my morning routine by not shaving my pits.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8:00 a.m.? Finding another reason not to get up from my laptop and sort more bins.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Telling my husband to quit telling me to get up and sort more bins like I promised I would.

5. Are you good at math? Yes. I add to my bottomless pit of useless information daily. I am minus any common sense. I love to divide and conquer. And I multiply like a rabbit.

6. Tell about your prom night. I skipped it. I have been allergic to large parties since childhood.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors? On my father’s side, we are descended from the illegitimate child of a German Count and a milkmaid. On my mother’s side, we come from a confusion of cave dwellers rich in White Gold.

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? No. I’ve always managed to get someone else’s to pay for my infinite knowledge.

9. Do you know the words to the song on your My Space profile? My daughter said I’m not allowed to trawl for young boys on MySpace.

10. What is the last thing you received in the mail? Bills. Lots and lots of duck bills and chicken lips and what looked surprisingly like Jimmy Durante’s nose.

11. How many beverages have you had today? Two. Water and milk.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine? I like to leave long drawn out messages that go into great detail but only get to the point until the very end. Or I just hang up.

13. Who did you lose your Concert virginity to? Tom Waits Chain smoking and beer guzzling and a gravelly voice.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand at the beach? No, I don’t own the beach, silly.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? Cavities filled by Army dentists as a child because they didn’t use Novocain.

16. What is out your back door? Sand, leaves, squirrels, oh and the bar.

17. What are your plans for Friday night? This Friday has already passed. I went to bed at nine. I know how to party.

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? While I’m there. Afterwards, it’s just itchy.

19. Have you ever received one of the big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn? Yes, but I only liked the caramel flavor corn. I use the tin to store all of my buttons. I have a lot of buttons.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? Yes, the one on Venus. It has a really cool view of the Earth.

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? We use paper towels, so it is a bit difficult.

22. Name some things you are excited about. Our closing on our old house looks like it will actually happen this time on Monday. NaNoWriMo starts Wednesday and I’m taking PTB’s advice and just starting. I’m getting a new step stool as we speak.

23. What is your favorite flavor of Jell-O? Blue.

24. Describe your keychain. It has butterflies all over it. See?

25. Where do you keep your change? Somewhere in the back of my mind.

26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group? Define large.

27. What kind of winter coat do you own? Another point of contention between my mother and myself. She believes a person should have many coats. I, on the other hand, have one coat that is light and an electric blue color. It’s mostly for blocking the wind. Under it I add layers to achieve the perfect body temperature.

28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? Both were sunny and bright, forecasting my illustrious future.

29. Do you sleep with the door open or closed? I start with it open, to keep the air flowing freely (I may be slightly claustrophobic) but must get up during the night to reopen it as my husband prefers it closed. I should divorce him, the rotten rat.

30. When was the last time you lied? Five minutes ago when I answered question 21.

And I tag anyone who wants to do this list or anyone who is fresh out of fresh ideas.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Haiku To You, Too

Mr. Fab at Pointless Drival is having a haiku contest. These are my entries. The subject matter is part of the contest rules. Go submit your own.


Madagascar home
Black, white, moonlit shining eyes
Spirits of the night.


Early winter winds
Travel up both trouser legs
Shriveled private parts

Calvin Coolidge

Independence Day
“…I find it mighty handy.”
Promoting from death.

Pupa to Monarch has been updated.

And NaNoWriMo starts next Wednesday. I wonder if I’ll even be able to start, let alone finish?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

You Suck

I am pretty sure I’m a vampire.

I was watching a show on Discovery last night about vampires. Well, I actually watched one on Discovery and then one on Biography and I really wasn’t watching too carefully, mostly just glancing during the times when Blogger toyed with my affections during the night.

Look at those hideously long and sharp eye teeth. They are perfect for piercing flesh. I bet they’d leave that tell tale mark on someone’s neck. And see that chip in the right, front tooth? I got that when I tried to have a vampiric moment with a swinging padlock.

Do I bite the dog or my husband?

While trying to answer the previous question, I started gnawing on my index finger’s cuticle. I ripped it off and it began to bleed. I sucked on my finger until I bled no more. I rather enjoyed the sensation.

Sunlight bothers my eyes. I even wear my sunglasses on cloudy days. I hum “Sunglasses at Night” when I am out cruising the bars looking for victims.

I wear black all of the time and I think capes are cool. If I had any fashion balls, I would attempt to bring long, flowing, red satin-lined cloaks back into common use. But I’m sensitive and cry easily, so I prefer not to have anyone point and laugh at me.

I like to sleep all day and stay up all night. At three in the afternoon, I’m ready for a nap and sometimes I don’t even go to bed until twenty-one hundred hours.

I think Don Henrie is hot, not. He’s just a walking freak show.

And I’m blonde. Oh, sorry, that doesn’t make me a vampire. Never mind.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

These Tears I Cry For You

While you may have tried to erase yourself from this space, you can not remove the piece of yourself you have left in my heart, my mind and my soul. May God speed you on your next journey.

Choo Choo

Relatives from Germany visited us over the past three weeks. They flew home yesterday. On Monday, we took them to NYC. None of us have taken public transportation before. We hopped the light rail to Trenton, where we picked up the train to Penn Station. If you are in New York just for the day and want to see as much as possible, the double-decker tour buses are a good way to see it all. We did the downtown loop. You can go around as many times as you want and get on and off as often as you want. I plan on going back to see the different neighborhoods.

I took a few pictures but mostly I enjoyed seeing the great architecture, the Naked Cowboy, a street dance troop, people from all over the world, the lights at night and the possibilities.

The only problem was the bathrooms. There are very few public ones and most are disgustingly filthy.

You should know that the tour buses stop at seven and they are very crowded at the end of the day. We stood for an hour on the last bus. They don’t drop you off where you get on, either. We walked fifteen blocks at the end of the day back to Penn Station. We caught a commuter train out of the city. We had to stand here, too. When we caught the last light rail (I didn’t know there was a last one) we found out that not only was it the very last one of the night (lucky us) but it stopped four towns short of our destination (not lucky us.)

What were we going to do, you ask? My brother wanted to call my seventy-five year old father to come out at ten thirty at night to pick us up. No, said I, we’ll take a bus. Just as we got off the light rail a bus trundled up the deserted street. I jumped into its path and flagged it down. It happened to be twenty-five minutes late on its route. Getting on with us was a woman who showed every sign of being bipolar. Her foot was in a cast and she was on crutches. She entertained us with the story of how she was hit by a car and the driver got out and punched in the face as she lay on the ground. Fun stuff.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Help Me!

I posted my Wordless Wednesday at Wings Unfolding.

Now after looking, please come back here and tell me what kind of camera I should get that will help me make better pictures. I shake, I like to do close ups and I am a lousy photographer. So, what should I get? (And, "someone else to take the pictures," would not be a funny comment.)

Monday, October 09, 2006


I don’t like confrontation. I will go to great lengths to avoid it. I will do my best to work things out or walk away. I avoid great passionate debates where people call each other names or have too much of themselves invested in the discussion. I don’t discuss politics, religion or sex with anyone who can’t stay calm. I think most problems can be worked out if all parties are willing. I am all about solutions of a compromising nature. But if you get in my face, I will kick your ass.

I have gone toe to toe with huge, drug crazed men and I have looked down the barrel of a hand gun carried by a mama who thought I was after her skanky man. I have gotten in the middle of domestic fista cuffs in parking lots late at night out side of bars and I have blocked a drunken nut from bangin’ on another soused individual who were fighting over a toothless nag. I have screamed down the throats of bitchy soccer moms and broken the nose of a boy who jumped on my back when I was sixteen.

So, if you are not interested in tea and scones, leave me alone.

Friday, October 06, 2006


Today is my fifth wedding anniversary. My husband and I had been together for five years before we got married. Actually, he moved in with me a month after we began dating (children do not follow my example, not because it didn’t work out but because I had a teeny tiny bit of previous relational experience on which to base my decision.)

I married late, at the age of forty-three, my husband was forty-one. Neither of us had been married before, although neither of us were ever alone much. We got married because we felt committed to each other and we felt that commitment was eternal.

Yes, we loved each other; we still do. Yes, we lusted after each other; we still do. But in our opinions, these were not sufficient reasons to get married. They were reasons to live together, which we did.

I think people get married too quickly and for the wrong reasons. I don’t believe in divorce. Now, before all you divorced people or friends of divorced people jump down my throat, let me say I do not advocate people staying in abusive relationships. What I’m suggesting is that people should make the decision to marry in a more business like manner.

A good marriage requires that the couple have core beliefs in common. It requires a common outlook on the things the couple find most important to themselves. As Robin Williams character in Good Will Hunting says, “You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.”

This is why good marriages look different on the surface. Two people can appear to be so different. My husband is an active, outdoorsy sort of guy. He likes golf, guns, fishing, trucks, beer, “The Guys,” boobs,
and straight talk. He has lived in this area all his life. He knows everyone. He has few thoughts about God. He has a high school degree. I like reading, writing, gin (I never drink beer), have few friends, moved around a lot, am reclusive, have a deep belief and knowledge of God and have several degrees. So, on the surface, we shouldn’t be right for eachother. But our core beliefs are the same.
We believe in eachother’s right to be who we are, marriage is forever, money is a mutual commodity, work for what you want, cash is good and credit is evil, family is a top priority, commitments are to be honored and not entered into lightly, our right to speak our minds regardless of how we disagree, and the fact that we are separate people who chose to be together knowing full well we’d survive alone (the other person is not our validation.)

In other words, we get along. We are friends with benefits, as my daughter would say.

My husband and I disagree about many things. He believes in the death penalty. I don’t. I believe in God, he’s not too sure. He thinks children should be seen and not heard, I think children are people, too. He is happiest when he has lots of people around him, I prefer quiet. You get the idea. We can talk and argue about these things, but for us they are not deal breakers. What would be for us? If he tried to force me to hang out with his friends or if I followed him to where he was hanging out with his friends, we’d never be together, because trust is fundamental for us. If he didn’t go to key family functions or if I forced him to go to my work Christmas parties, we’d have split years ago, because you must know what is truly important to the other person.

So anyway, we’re not perfect and I know many people who would not like to live the way we do, but we’re not married to them. I just suggest that the rose colored glasses are taken off before you decide to marry. Think about what is most important to you and take a realistic look at the person to whom you are thinking of committing yourself. Do you like this person? Do you think you can stick by this person if they quit their job? Can you talk to eachother about tough subjects? Can you conceive of forgiving this person if he disappoints you? Can you conceive of him disappointing you (because he will)? Do you think you can deal with it? Do you think there will be room for you each to change (because you will)? Love and lust will not sustain you during the hard times, only your commitment to each other as people will.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


A man in his early thirties went into an Amish schoolhouse in Pennsylvania. He tied up the ankles of ten little girls and shot them execution style. Five girls dead, five girls injured. A grown man shot ten defenseless little girls.

People have been trying to find an explanation for this behavior. They have been looking for a reason why this “wonderful soccer dad of three boys” would do such a horrific thing. His co-workers said he was angry over the past two weeks. Now, the media has said he did this because he molested some of his own young family members twenty years ago and was afraid he’d do it again.

Plain and simple, this man was a coward. He had that in common with the other school shooters, the shooters committing the over 300 murders in Philadelphia so far this year, gangs, terrorists, Mark Foley and anyone else who takes their bullshit out on innocent people. They are all cowards.

I am sick and tired of the excuses. “I’m an alcoholic, I was abused by my pastor, my mommy taught me to suck her nipples, the football players picked on me, that guy looked at me cross-eyed, he had on the wrong colors…” This behavior is selfish. Someone forgot to tell these people that their feelings are not justification for bad acts. At some point, you need to grow up, take responsibility for yourself and quit whining about how bad you’ve been treated. Bite the bullet and get help if you are fucked up, instead of shooting the bullets at someone else.

One Amish man put it quite well when speaking about Charles Roberts, who ripped apart the little girls who didn’t stand a chance against him, when he said of Roberts, “He couldn’t cope with his own life.” Yeah. Why can’t these people just kill themselves without taking innocent people first?

Monday, October 02, 2006

Happy Birthday To Me

1. My daughter
2. My husband
3. My dog
4. My health
5. My parents
6. My brother
7. My nieces
8. My great nephew
9. My new house
10. My first house

11. 70 degrees, sunny and cool
12. Pumpkins
13. Halloween
14. Yellow mums
15. Butterflies
16. Bon fires
17. Breezes
18. Big, leafy, green trees
19. Green grass
20. Squishy sand between my toes

21. Reading
22. Writing
23. Drawing
24. Quilting
25. Crocheting
26. Archery
27. Boating
28. Beading
29. Blogging
30. Herbs

31. Wine
32. Homemade salsa
33. Vanilla ice cream
34. My mother’s spaghetti
35. Bombay sapphire gin
36. NY Strip steak
37. Alaskan king crab
38. Succotash
39. Baked potatoes with sour cream
40. Scallops

41. Novels
42. Purses
43. Hair jewelry
44. Renaissance faire costumes
45. Children’s picture books
46. Easter eggs
47. Christmas ornaments
48. Quilts