Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I Have Issues

I have issues with the use of the word issues. Buzzwords generally make me nuts, but this one is really driving me around the bend.

Yesterday, I had an Officer of the Law call me regarding an accident one of our drivers had last week. He needed information about the driver and our insurance company. Yes, he had gotten it at the time of the incident, but unfortunately, his computer had "issues" and lost the information. And being the self-controlled person I am, I replied, "You computer had ‘ISSUES’?" It made him stop in his tracks, think about what he said, and laugh.

His computer didn’t break, blow-up, shutdown, fry, frazzle or foam at the mouth. It had issues. The computer’s hard drive didn’t crash, grind to a halt or explode. It had issues. Ugh!

Everybody and everything has issues now. We don’t have problems with our neighbors, we take issue with their behaviors. I don’t have difficulties paying my bills, I have cash flow issues. I didn’t get a flat tire, I have issues with the inflation level of my automobile’s rotary motivation devices. Bullshit. Chickenshit. Dogshit. Call things what they are damnit.

Granted, the term is not always being used incorrectly. Here are several definitions: 1) A point or matter of discussion, debate, or dispute 2) A misgiving, objection, or complaint 3) A personal problem or emotional disorder. So, I don’t take exception with its use on the basis of improper handling (except when inanimate objects seem to have issues.) On the contrary, almost everyone seems to know how to use it and that is the crux of the matter.

It is already trite, banal, commonplace, over used, hackneyed, old-hat, threadbare and boring. Use a different word for pity’s sake. You’re making me wacky.


  1. my boyfrind pisses me off with his use of words, or rather mis use of words
    hes one of those people that like things to be said in "the right way" (ie uses stupidly long words and a 'proper' (posh) accent)- and yet he tends to get the simple things wrong - it drives me insane, especially when he then corrects ME!
    his spelling is even worse, i wont even go there....
    i have issues, but they're burried under alot of emotional and mental barriers.
    at the moment i have "issues" with my boyfriend though :P

  2. Men are a pain in the ass, but that's a whole other issue.

    People know I like to read and write and I think this makes them think I'm like an intellectual, so they'll use 25 cent words around me. And as I've mentioned I'm not real good at hiding my feelings, so if they've used a word wrong or they're just nuts, I must amke a funny face. Then they'll ask me if they've used the word wrong and I'll have to explain the word and its many possible uses.

    I am in favor of uses simple words when I am trying to communicate. You can even write beautiful poetry and prose with simple words. Big words just tend to obfuscate. (I had to look up how to spell obfuscate - I'm a lousey speller, but that's why spell check was invented, just for me. Spelling the only class I ever failed and that was in sixth grade and I still can't get over the pain.)

  3. I do like using 'issues' euphemistically for 'severe mental and emotional disorders bordering on the suicidally psychotic'.

    I mean, in that context 'issues' just sounds nicer.

  4. Jay, if you put it that way. OK. I wouldn't want to push anyone over the edge.

  5. Well, there's also "nice" and "relationship" and my favourite, "paradigm shift".

    Since I don't really listen when people I don't like talk, I don't really hear what they're saying. So I don't get irritated.

  6. I zone out myself. It's the only way to remain sane sometimes.

  7. I hear some people say "We have called for a conference to perform a root cause analysis and we shall revert back to you with a contingency plan when we have arrived at the most optimal one" when they mean "Nobody knows What the fuck happened! Gimme some slack here, will you?"