Friday, June 26, 2015

What's Up with That?

“if something is important, do it every day; if it’s not important, don’t do it at all” - Dan John, Lifting and Throws Coach

So, I read this quote somewhere, not sure exactly, since I bounce all over the place most days, but it stuck with me. I’ve had it backwards all of this time. I’ve put all the “shoulds” ahead of the things I consider important and couldn’t figure out why I was miserable and dissatisfied.

I’d do all my chores first: dishes, bills, work, things for other people. All these things that make me a “good person.” I was alleviating some guilt - not all of the guilt because I did these things with such resentment and imperfection and I knew it  - but never getting rid of the constant depression. I’m not talking about unhappiness here, either. I’m talking about a perpetual suppression of myself. It got so bad I couldn’t even make a simple To Do list anymore. My brain just said, “Stop it. I hate this crap and I am no longer going to be your enabler. Fix this now, bitch.” Yeah, my brain called me the “B” word.

And then, as serendipitous things happen when they are most fortuitous, I read the quote above and I did a V-8 head smack. (I’m linking to their site so I don’t have to put up a registered trademark symbol. Not really. I like V-8, a lot. No, I do. I’m not kidding.)

So, the question became, “What’s most important to me and how do I make sure I show myself how important it is?”

My writing is the most important thing to me. I must finish my books and get them published. They must come first. I have to make these things a habit.  

#1 - I must write every day, with no days off. To this end, the first thing I do each day is I write 500 words, any words, about anything, every morning with my morning coffee.

#2 - I must work on Revena’s Revenge every day.

Everything else comes after these two things. These 500 words make Day 5. (I’m only at about 350 words at this point in my little story.)

I’ve also got a working outline done for Revena’s Revenge and a much better opening scene.

I feel much better and it seems my brain has unclenched its sphincter muscle and its letting me think again. Thank the gods, because I was forgetting to do some really weird things.

It is very strange putting myself first. Most people don’t get this thing I want and feel I could spend my time doing something more normal or useful or whatev’s. Guilt is causing some twinges but I am learning to control that better.

So, now you know what this crap is that you will be seeing here each day. We can call it a mind dump or flash fiction or just the morning mess that it is. Regardless of how pointless and bizarre it may appear, I assure you this IS the MOST important thing in the world.

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