Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The Real Conspiracy

Picture a wood-paneled room in a secluded castle in a mountain forest. Two cotton-topped men sit in leather armchairs before a roaring fire.They discuss their plans for the future, lovingly code-named: How to take over the world by breeding and raising human cattle:

  1. Give them an invisible man in the sky who will take care of them after they’re dead. He has determined their lives long in advance so they accept their lot in life and they won’t have to do anything to change their lives. If they work hard in this life and accept their current suffering, they will be saved and rewarded in heaven. Thus, they will not question their status. “Blessed are the meek…” and “Blessed are the poor…”
  2. Take away birth control and abortion; remove a woman’s right to choose. A large pool of available labor is needed to keep things running and we don’t want to have to pay too much for their upkeep. Make sure they have lots of children. The more poor people around, the cheaper it is to keep them. We will have slaves in all but name. And this way, we won’t have to have any responsibility for them at all. They’ll think they are taking care of themselves and have freedom. There will be so many of them that we can keep wages low. They will fight among themselves for the privilege of serving us. We’ll propagandize it as the cream will rise to the top. Some of them will think they’re special and do their best to keep others from taking what little they have.
  3. We’ll have to educate them just enough so they can run our infrastructure but we’ll need to  teach them the myths that will keep them in their places. Their fate is predetermined. Teach them to pray for the ability to accept their lot in life with grace, humility and happiness. Their attitude will get them to the promised land.
  4. Scare them to death. The sky is falling. There are evil people out to get them. Threats are everywhere. Make them so paranoid about the bogey man that they are always looking in the opposite direction when we pollute their air and water or charge so much for a college education that most people won’t even bother.
  5. Since they will have to work two and three jobs to survive, advertise quick, processed foods that will keep them borderline alive. They’ll have just enough energy to keep working but they won’t ever feel really good and their brains won’t work well enough to think beyond the next moment.
  6. Make health care too expensive for optimal health but be sure to have enough emergency rooms in case of epidemics. You know what happened during the Black Plague. So many servants were wiped out that the rich landowners had to start treating their laborers better. We can’t chance that happening again.
  7. When all else fails, build lots of prisons to house the trouble makers, the individuals, the outspoken, the rebels. And raise taxes on the working class to pay for it so we have an additional revenue stream.

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