Monday, June 09, 2014


grains of sand pumice my soles
as the sound of waves rock
roll against the boulders damming
my heart 

the pressure of my lungs
crystallize them into faceted gems
tearing, blocking, constricting
my throat

* Children in the throes of strong emotions are told to "use their words" instead of striking out physically. I usually shut down.


  1. I usually try my damndest to shut up, because when I try to talk to people about how I'm feeling, I always wind up regretting it. I come from a family where one did not talk about negative feelings, one did whatever one could to stuff said feelings. Then people wonder why I don't feel much connection to my family and have trouble relating to other people.
    I love the poem and the picture. The glass bits make a nice contrast to the gray stone.

    1. I don't usually tell anyone how I feel because they either give me tons of reasons why I shouldn't feel that way or they give me solutions. No one just listens and validates (like those shrinky words?)

      The only emotion shown in my house growing up was anger, unless someone was drunk. My mother doesn't like my laugh. Families can be such a joy, can't they.

    2. "They fuck you up your mum and dad
      they never mean to but they do
      they fill you with the faults they had
      then find some new ones just for you"
      Good poem. Yours not Larkins (which is also good!)

    3. Sometimes reminding yourself that they did the best they could just doesn't cut it.

  2. You are all the validation you'll ever need! Read my Toxic People post today if you can

  3. oy, i have been there....its hard to find those words at make it very tangible with the hardening of the lungs choking out your words....

    1. I get very choked up when I'm upset and can not speack.

  4. Well done, Nessa. I don't think it a coincidence that those of us who couldn't safely share our more tender words and feelings as children, have grown to become wordsmiths. We seek diligently for pointed words and poke at the splinters in our souls, recreating our pain again and again, and inflicting it on others.