Friday, June 29, 2007

News Flash Friday

In a rare show of solidarity and intelligence, the United States government has unanimously voted to change the 4th of July holiday to Independence Day and designate its celebration date as the first Monday of every July.

“We know that we are breaking with tradition by making such a smart decision,” says a Congressman who would only speak on a pay-as-you-go cell phone so as not to be identified, “but it really wasn’t our idea.”

“We received a letter from Lindy Lou from Idaho making the suggestion,” said a page between his paging duties.

“We wouldn’t normally pay attention to someone too young to vote and from such a backward area of the country to boot but her letter brought us hardened politico types to tears.”

After reading LL’s letter and wiping the dew from this reporter’s eye, the situation has become clear.

You see, Little Lou Lou suffers from an ailment that makes her wear her hair in tight pigtails. This causes all of the blood in her head to go to her scalp, thereby depriving her brain of oxygen. She normally only gets a good idea once or twice a year because of her disease. She figured this was one of them and wanted it acted upon before all of her brain cells died. She thought our governmental representatives would understand her predicament intimately. Lucky Lindy struck a chord with those hardened old codgers in Washington DC.

“We all know what it’s like to be brain dead, but this poor girl has been afflicted at an unnatural age, so we wanted to lift her spirits,” said a Representative who couldn’t remember his name for this interview. “Her deformity is so heart-breaking we enacted this new law before most of us realized we all agreed.” He shook his head in wonder. “I can guarantee this won’t ever happen again.”

This reporter urges you to write your Congressman, State Representative and Senator to let them know your appreciation for this uncharacteristic show of brilliance. We don’t tell them often enough when they do a good thing.

* * * This just in: The President has vetoed the bill. In a comment overheard by a carpet sweeper, the President is alleged to have said, “We can’t have none of this agreeing b*llsh*t. What would come next, d*mn*t?”


  1. Hilarious Nessa! What will come next indeed!

  2. Heavens no, can't have any of that agreeing stuff...

  3. LOL! Nicely done Nessa.

  4. Agreeing, no we can't have that, unless it relates to going to war of course.

  5. Funny - but the truth in is disgusting.

  6. I think you misunderstated him.

  7. I believe the solution is to simply declare the first Monday of July "The Fourth." And we'll bomb the sh*t out of anyone who disagrees with us.

  8. LOL - I started reading and was thinking it was a serious post. That added to my amusement when I realized it wasn't! (sometimes I'm a little gullible, to say the least)

  9. Jenn: Thanks. I don’t think we have much to worry about, though.

    Mizmell: In fantasies all things are possible…even the impossible.

    Kat: Thanks.

    Bazza: Well, that’s because it didn’t involve intelligent thought.

    Gawilli: Does make you kind of queasy, doesn’t it?

    (!): I was going to go a bit stronger but nothing matches reality sometimes.

    Diesel: You always have the simplest of solutions.

    Jackie: I’m gullible, too. I want a Monday off in July, though.

  10. Oops, better loosen up my daughter's ponytail! Too funny! By the way, I didn't comment on each post below but I can see I've missed some stellar writing. Glad that I made it back to catch up - excellent!

    I had to, however, comment on your "Brush with Fame" post which really should be published (besides your blog, that is).

  11. G: Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments.

  12. It made too much sense. But maybe the next President will have a bit more common sense

    And then the best idea ever American holidays. The Monday in December will now be Christmas and the previous Friday will be Christmas Eve.

    Please, no need to applaud my frickin' brilliance. I'm just an employer who recognizes that December is a giant money vacuum and at least this way I can make better plans.

  13. B.B. Your Kingship: Another excellent idea. We all need to have a more organized way to celebrate the light.