The results of a new study released today by the U.S. of A.’s Department of Wildlife says that there is a definite link between Communism and an epidemic of walking fish on the eastern seaboard.
“Fish are coming out of the ocean in droves,” says an unidentified official, who wishes to remain unidentified. “They walk right up onto the beach and confer in small groups briefly before heading into town.”
The unidentified official, John Burke, says that card carrying Communists and their sympathizers living in coastal towns along the Atlantic Ocean are telepathically calling the fish and inviting them to walk right into their homes, join in the meetings and become fellow comrades.
“We are on a definite recruiting campaign,” said one Communist who does not wish to be named because he believes people will think he’s a kook. “We do not discriminate against anyone. We are a brotherhood. We even have a marsupial who has been a member for two years now.”
While this reporter was interviewing for this report, several fish, perhaps they were Stripers or Sunnies, I’m not sure, walked right passed me, as plain as can be.
They neighbors seem to be taking things in stride.
“We don’t care what they do,” says one homeowner, “as long as they don’t leave the fish standing on the porch too long. The stench can be unbearable. And it has nothing to do with them being Communists.”