Long ago, in a time before the common man could read to the heights of an eight grade level, there was a cailin known as Colleen the Bookwurm. Brown of hair, brown of eye, the people of her small village mistrusted her because of her ability to read. She remained unmarried long after the normal age at which a woman would normally achieve conjugal bliss. In other words, she was a bit long in the tooth and her books weren’t keeping her warm at night.
Colleen decided to hire a matchmaker to find her the perfect man for a husband. Nosy Parker, the most famous matchmaker of all time, agreed to take on this difficult job. The first thing Nosy did was take away all of Colleen’s books. No one likes a learned woman.
Nosy next made up a list of all of Colleen’s good qualities that would counteract her dismal reputation as a reader. Once complete with only those things that men liked, the list would be the basis of an advertisement to bring in a well-rounded group of men from which a mate could be chosen.
Nosy mentioned Colleen’s ability to cook, in particular her famous steak and mashed potato sandwiches topped with brown gravy. She included Colleen’s material assets: a hut with indoor sleeping facilities, three pigs, and a donkey. Nosy also highlighted Colleen’s physical attributes: despite her advanced age, Colleen still had all of her teeth, her eyes weren’t crossed even after all of her reading and she was still quite bendy.
Riders went out and nailed the ads on trees and doors throughout the region. The date for the male revue was set for May Day. Many men came.
The wedding was a fete to remember. Patrons of pubs and taverns talked about it for days. Colleen’s new hubby ventured into one of the pubs on Sunday for a well earned day of rest.
Asked how he enjoyed his new wife and her dowry, he replied, “Colleen has a sweet ass.”
LMAO! Best story ever. Bravo!ReplyDelete
Mr. Fab: Glad you liked.ReplyDelete
And nothing about the steak and mashed potato sandwiches topped with brown gravy?ReplyDelete
Gawilli: He did like the steak and mashed potato sandwiches, but that donkey sure was sweet.ReplyDelete
Oh boy ... that really is a sweet ass. :)ReplyDelete
Dan: You went and peeked, didn't you?ReplyDelete
Does he beat her ass?ReplyDelete
Also, did she get her books back?
When they had kids, were they readers or not?
Was one of the kids named Donna Shillelah
Hmmmm didn't get it the first time I read, until I read the comments here - HAHAHAHAHA Nessa, you kill me!ReplyDelete
BB: No, he strokes her ass gently.ReplyDelete
Well, yes, of course. Silly question.
Children are always raised in their mother's religion.
Their oldest daughter: she became the President of the University of Wisconsin.
Jenn: I love double entendres, especially if they are very subtle. I also try to include a few 'cause they make me giggle. There are at least six in this piece.
I love it!ReplyDelete
Colleen: I've seen the picture, so I know it's true.ReplyDelete
Wow, an amazing storyteller AND a good friend. Look at you spiking the search engine for Fab.ReplyDelete
You a nice girl, Nessa
Excellent story with a perfect tie-in to Mr. Fab's request! It did sound like an old Irish tale.ReplyDelete
Although from Mr. Fab's accounting, Colleen is a bit tough on the waitstaff which made me not like her very much. But I like you Colleen :)
OK, so this reminded me of:ReplyDelete
Lady goes to doctor for checkup. Comes home. Husband asks about the report. She tells him everything is fine. He says, "Oh yeah, wha'd he say about your fat ass?" She replied, "Your name was never mentioned."
I'm sorry. My mind is just going in circles today.
Have a great week.
Better copywrite this thing! It's priceless!!ReplyDelete
Logo: Thanks. I figure his site could use some more readers; DReplyDelete
G: I so understand the not sitting down at the table part, though. That makes me nuts.
Swampy: Good one. It’s the same kind of thing.
Dabich: Thank you and my entire site is copyrighted in preparation for my fame.
LOL Nessa, great story and way to include Colleen has a sweet ass.ReplyDelete
Kat: Thanks. It is important for everyone to know the Colleen has a sweet ass. How does one know if this works?ReplyDelete
Wish I was the owner of that ass!ReplyDelete
TLP: Yes, I know I'm jealous.ReplyDelete
Frickin' great story! Thanks for that! xoReplyDelete
Another great story and interesting ending.ReplyDelete
Nessa, this is a great story! (but I see that mr fabulous has lured you over to the dark side!)ReplyDelete
Was it just for show, or was he allowed to ride the ass on occasion?ReplyDelete
Cindra: Hi, ya, girly. I’m glad it tickled you.ReplyDelete
Dr. John: Is “interesting” one of those “special” compliments? ; D
Jackie: I am officially Darth Vader.
Diesel: Are you asking something dirty again?