Friday, August 11, 2006

Problem-solving Skills

I have been picked on a many times in my life. Let me give you some examples.

I’ve sat through numerous dumb blond jokes, despite the fact that my IQ was a good 90 points higher than anyone telling the jokes.

I was never offered pot when the joints were being passed around because everyone thought I was too lily-white.

Girls (boys, too) didn’t want to play with me because I couldn’t do splits.

At every family gathering, I am made fun of just because that one Father’s Day when I drank too much and went to bed before I served coffee and dessert.

People call me Harry Pothead when I wear my glasses.

But I have never been as hurt as when Quilldancer disqualified me from her contest for not being able to count. I am cut to the quick. Let’s see: how do we solve problems in the world today? Oh, yeah, let me don my mask and get my shampoo.


  1. Oh dear, I did forget to cut the title off before running it through word count. You are correct. Your story is exactly 150 words. Mea culpa; Lo siento; Λυπάμαι; Я огорченн; 私は残念である; and

    Now, that I've admitted my mistake and apologized in several different languages I find myself wondering -- how do I know that post was indeed from you? It was signed by Anonymous. Originally when you told me that was your post I had no problem, but since then it has occurred to me that I very casually accepted the word of an avowed liar .... ;)

    Perhaps your friends call you Harry Pothead not because you are wearing funny round glasses, but because they are aware that you don't know your name anyway, therefore it matters not what they call you.

    Incidently, I tested in the 99th percentile in college and graduated at the top of my class. I used to think that meant I was brilliant. Now I realize that in the real world all that means is, "about a thousand people in a specific locale were more dense than I."

  2. I accept your apologies for disqualifying me.

    Now, I insist on either an apology or a trophy for being the best liar to compensate me for the slur to my good name (whatever it may be.) Actually, cash would be best.

    While I, too, have quite high stats, I have learned that based on the mistakes I have made in life, I am not the sharpest tool in the shed.

  3. And I'm so smart, I believe you.

  4. Pondering: [perhaps I should win the liars contest?]

  5. I would just like to say I finally counted my submission and realised that Quilly was right on the money there. I should have been disqualified. If I had left the Justin bit out, it would have qualified.

    Nessa, I salute you for being patience on a monument smiling at grief.

  6. Quilly: My check is NOT in the mail?

    Jenn: That Quilly is tough.

    I have born my many burdens well, have I not?

  7. Yes you have. You are a trooper. Tell me, what were you planning to do with that shampoo? I have racked my brains trying to figure out that delicious conundrum and am still at a loss...

  8. Jenn: My sarcastic response to the most recent terrorist threat in GB.